Today is the equinox, heading into shite darkness and droopy weather. I have to think of things to do to keep spirits up.
NOT reading the "news" is helpful.
Orphans pretend "going to school", they are so smart that they don't need to go to school, they know everything. Our little neighbor girl has just turned four, I think I mentioned, and is going to school...she is not happy. Too early I say, let her be a baby girl until at least age six, but no body asked me...
Today would have been my brother's birthday if he was not ashes in a bottle. Ginger beard like Erik's, like all the men folk in this family. He loved the outdoors, a ranger for a bit, taught biological sciences in high school in Nebraska until he got to evolution and Darwin - that did not sit well with the "Nebraskans" , because bible...he got fired, went to work on the railroad- like Dad, like Grand Dad. He hunted, fished, lived in the woods, worked on a ranch - did all of the big brother manly things. I loved him so much, especially when he was not punching me in the face- training me to not be a sissy cry baby. "Don't cry". I have that down pretty well, now, and can be stoic when needed.
The loss of your own- one- true sibling is the shits. I miss him. He died too young- colon cancer, I said Bub- bye over the phone held up to his ear by his wife. I said "love you" and he said "I love you too , Squirt". I said that I could still beat him at gin rummy and take all of his money. He laughed and then he died.
"Yeah look! I made it myself, specially for YOU, you are welcome!" - ( disappointment long face falls over recipient. ) Merry Christmas!
Christmas taken care of, wouldn't you say. Everyone has everything they need or want so why not give them something that they can compost? Earth friendly.
Ok then, I am off to the coop to buy veggies and spices and millet and legumes- hummus , tahini, and fruit. Dennis and I could not be more opposite- he is now doing carnivore/fat diet and damned if he did not a find a book that knows all about it and its superiority over veggies/legumes/fruits/and nuts....amazon offers anything you need to shore up your ideas...If I wanted an ice cream soup diet that is "good" for you, "better than anything"-I bet you a nickle I could find it.
How wonderful it must have been to have a brother like that! I was an only child that wished for a brother. Thanks for sharing a tiny bit of him with us.
ReplyDeleteI love the orphans, too! :)
My brother THOUGHT of himself as the only child...I was just a side bar nuisance. Sorry you did not have a big brother. I adored him.
DeleteI had a younger brother, but our relationship was not great. He died, and I do miss him - sorta. The orphans are looking very autumnal.
ReplyDeleteoh dang, that is sad- about your younger brother. The orphans like cold weather better than hot sun- it tends to melt them, for real!
DeleteI still have my sibs, sorry you lost yours. That is worse even that being an orphan.
ReplyDeleteOrphan I could handle but losing my brother was like losing everything about my childhood and young adulthood. He was my witness. We nodded at all the right things and laughed at all the right things...we tried to out swear one another, he won always.
DeleteI have three brothers- all younger. I see one of them...sometimes.
ReplyDeleteFucked up families, you know.
I'm sorry you did not get to grow old with your brother. I think he would have been a stellar companion for this part of life. He would have made you laugh. You would have made him laugh. What could be better?
Enjoy your moments of solitude. Artists need them desperately.
Our family was not fucked up and that does make all the difference. Yes solitude is like food!
DeleteMy youngest brother was born the 2nd year I was at university. Retires tomorrow aged 57!
ReplyDeleteSame parents. Strangely I am closer with him than my other brother only 3 years younger than I am.
WOW that is a leap between births! He must have been , what they used to call, a "change" baby.
DeleteI still have one brother, another that I have never met and the third died way too soon by falling asleep on his motorbike.
ReplyDeleteI LOVE the fairy chair and the orphans going off to school. I'm sure Cubby is happy to be back with his people again.
A brother you have never met? How does that even happen?
DeleteAdopted away at birth because he wasn't my father's child.
DeleteThat is incredibly sad for your Mom, I hope he was adopted into a good family.
DeleteYes. I have an old photo of him, grown and married with small children who must be grown themselves now.
DeleteI don't talk to my brother often but I can't imagine the world without him. It must feel very strange. I love your fairy chair.
ReplyDeleteTalk to your brother, often.
DeleteI keep trying to think of words to write here. I have two brothers and one sister. We are each other's family now that our parents are gone. I can't imagine the world without them. And yet it will happen. I love your brother's last words to you. Straight from the heart, words that will live forever in yours. I am sorry your brother is not here to have celebrated his birthday. A shout out to the universe to him... I'm a fan of Darwin too.
ReplyDeleteit was so good of his wife to hold the phone up to his dying ear- last words are important. She did the same thing with my Mom but Mom was too far gone, she was Out already. But if the newly disease still hear, which some think they do as hearing is the last to go, she heard me scream "I love you MOM!"
DeleteMy sister held the phone up to my mom's ear shortly before she took her last breath. Roger and I told her how much we loved her and would miss her always. My eyes fill with tears when I think about it. Now I shout my love out into the universe where my mom and dad will hear it, as they make their way across the galaxies.
DeleteHappy Birthday to your brother with Odin in Valhalla, described as "shining and golden"--like him!
ReplyDeleteOdin sounds very hospitable--lots of mention of magic mead and ale. Share a mug with Darwin...
"I said that I could still beat him at gin rummy and take all of his money." I want to hear words along those lines when I'm dying. Maybe something about the Orphan Reds.
"He laughed and then he died. "
Not too shabby.
So sad.
The cancer thing was very difficult, death such a relief for him and yes, I reckon Odin is a cool guy to hang out with for a while (in my own mind of course) Orphan stories ,as we check out of this existence, would be a grand way to go.
DeleteNow I'm thinking of my brothers. Hard to imagine the world without them. Happy Birthday to your training partner.
ReplyDeleteYes, DO think about your brothers!! It is so weird when they leave for keeps!
DeleteI don't have any siblings but I can imagine the loss of one especially loved is a loss that stays with you forever. I hope you are gentle with yourself today. And that you sleep in a little bit now that Cubby has returned home.
ReplyDeletei got the whole bed to myself! I did sleep in and did not get dressed until 7:00, life is good!
DeleteMy two brothers...the one I related to, loved, took his life at age 28. Too much pain after bad dope triggered bipolar disorder. My other brother and I got along but never spoke. He was a gun man, and "they" would take away his guns. Sadly he died before age 70 of never taking care of himself. It's just my sister and me now, and my children and the grands who are closer to her than to me. Life is strange. I wonder if every life is strange.
ReplyDeleteevery life is interesting, i will give you that! So sad about your brothers though. Survival of the fittest?
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