Friday, June 1, 2018

Long days, warm weather, useless me

I drove yesterday, went to the studio, I should not have done that, I very nearly got in an accident, unable to turn my head. When I got back home I was fairly wrecked, Energy like a burned out bulb.

Today I could only go as far as across the street to take a photo of my neighbors rose, Such incredible color , It looks like fire.

My lavender is getting along well, spread out a few feet from last summer , think I will have enough for several underwear drawers. 

The neighbors peonies are nearly spent already, they do not last long.

Our peonies are still tight little golf ball buds. The gardeners killed the ants, without ants the peonies will not bloom. We hired gardeners because we could not agree on what to do with the area and what to plant. I thought the gardeners were on the same page as me when they first came and dug weeds, used a spade and seemed organic, caring for the soil- soon I realized that they were more on a different page with their hazmat suits and toxic spray and a damned leaf blower! Anyway, They sprayed  the bugs, the weeds, the soil. But our yard "LOOKS" reasonable.
I brought one ant over from the neighbors peonies to tickle our bud into a blossom. I will let you know if that works. I hope it signals it's friends to come over.

Monday, May 28, 2018

the oil/evironment dilemma

Caught in the in- between of  car future. Need a new car- the one I have now does OK around town but if I cross a bridge in the slightest of breezes it sways, is top heavy and rattles. Having given my trusty Subaru to a grandson for boy adventures, and given my sedan to my son, I bought a used Honda CR-V, not trustworthy!

So now we are looking at buying a new car- considering hybrid , considering all electric. Electric power stations are not readily available yet - a problem. 
Considering safety , my favorite to look at so far is Volvo hybrid, Mr Man is looking at Tesla. 

Tesla sort of freaks me out- not sure if I am ready for driving a brain...which also has a tendency to catch fire, and  readily  crumples in a crash with the curb. Looks like it would high center on a shadow!
I would love to not have to own a car but this land is vast and built around the automobile- so unless the queen lets me live in London I guess I am pretty much stuck, looking for a sensible ride. 

Then there is this bit of futuristic hazard. Interesting - who gets a ticket? I guess the uber company??

There's the cliffs edge! Ramble on, a rant you do not need to read....

And so, here we are, nearing the edge of the cliff, and the great fall. Inhabiting older bodies that could  certainly use a tune up ,  an oil change,rebuilt motor...rear view mirrors still pretty efficient but the windshield has become pockmarked - obfuscated by  splats and flying pebbles after years and years of rough / smooth  / bumpy , gully washed road. 

In a few days I will be driving Mr. Man in to the surgery center for  an eye stent  and a new lens,  I can drive in a straight line, as long as I do not need to back up, I have washed the windshield for this event- all is well and he will be pleased with new eye! He is using the best surgeon and has been preparing for days with drops and pills. 
He will be able to see well for the second time in his life.

His vision has always been a challenge, he did not even know his vision was compromised until , while riding in the back of his Mother's car, when  as a third grade boy, he caught a glimpse of the world through her glasses as he stood close behind her.
Soon after he got glasses and could see  all of the amazing things he did not know he was not seeing. 

Metaphor for this living experience, no? Seeing what one has been blind  to - we can not know what we do not know or see.

Which takes me to our blind spots -  white Americans.
We have been seeing though a small rose colored lens, for so long we believed it was real, didn't we? - thought we were good,  had some measure of fairness, generally speaking of course, our interpretations living in our bubbles seemed honorable...

Astonished at what has been rumbling under the thin surface of this fragile facade,   leashed by  sensible laws , for very good reason,  holding it  in check ( right, ask anyone of color how that has worked out...) anyway it is unleashed now- terrifying from the top down - the nature of  white cruelty to conquer. (blah blah blah old news.) Brought to you by , not white, not black, but ORANGE, of all colors to ruin!

We  , white folks , are  up ended, sent scrambling to bandage the  cruelty and madness, continually  bombarded with "in coming wounded". Surprise over -what has become our every day reality, White , unmasked!! Heartbreak upon heartbreak.  The latest thing re:ICE and children as young as two- the baby bus taking infants- the horror of this, every fucking day! This white/orange piece of shit in the oval office and his horrifying cult-  have been there the whole time, we did not see...

 I ,personally , must try harder to be a  person of value, do art -do not moan, help others- find the compassion I had when I was five- the usual things , you know,... not to add to the mean spirited current that is rapidly taking us downstream, loosing footing fast.

I  might need a dog to remind me about the loveliness of just being alive , on this planet, for the moment, wag and lick and go for walks , never minding the dog catcher and the bully dogs in the park. Plans change sometimes for the better, I am happy to be able to drive Mr. Man to surgery and to mend my broken neck- rather than on the trip to Finland with Stella. It's OK. I just take longer to adjust to things because, stubborn and sassy and not as nice as I ought to be- not an excuse, I am just slower than most and Pollyanna rubs my fur backwards.  

I reckon I only  have about fifteen years left riding around in this falling apart vehicle that keeps blowing tires , sputtering at snails pace, leaking oil ( luckily there are pads for that) ...  fifteen years is a  drop in the ocean is it not-  transmission  still pretty good and the universal joint still  in tact , so I have a bit of time to try to be more in tune with  better aspects of being a  SO white  privileged Murikan human, and the responsibility that  that bears. 

I have very little time to become a better human . Dammit, peering over  the edge- 
Get on it , grrrrl, right now!