Friday, July 28, 2017

hutch dolls, paints, and Obama's hope


I had been a doll collector, these are the last of the hundreds that I had, these are the china hutch dolls that I keep because they are, well...collectible and were more pricey and I do love them. 
I still have others here and there but these are the ones that stay in the hutch away from sunlight , and children who may come thinking that they might love them too hard.

Getting things whittled down is a constant culling /sorting/ "does this bring me joy?" activity. 

Stuff can become the boss   so easily...my neighbor has not been out of her house since December , Nearly eight months- and she, a lover of sunshine in the summer, has been holed up-her husband became ill with respiratory problems , had to go to hospital for about a week, moved in with his son and grandson after his hospital stay - has not been back...there is only bad air in the house, mold, mildew, dust...
Wife has become a hoarder- the kids did not realize how out of control it had become. They are trying to deal but a hoarder is difficult to work with at best as you have probably seen from that terrible Television show! 
So, I have been instructed to not take the Sunday paper to her every Sunday after we have read it, as I have done for thirty years...she has kept every paper I have ever sent over, stacked to the ceiling, dry on the top of the pile, wet from the floor up.
The house is collapsing under the weight  of "bargains", of detritus left by three children and four grandchildren, of every little find that wanted to be treasured. The weight of mental illness.



I know that I do not really NEED more paints, I am a hoarder of paints...BUT look at this set! IT is astonishing, and the hues are just as vibrant  used with water,  as they appear in the box! A little goes a long way, I will be taking this set with me, a couple of brushes, four favorite pencils and that will be all I need, probably... maybe....no promises....I am a liar.... Art shops and book stores are danger areas for me, I would rather buy a tube of paint than dinner! I have been known to spend my last  bit of stipend on poetry or art books.



while clearing out the china hutch, My Obama sticker fell out, I nearly cried...
God, I love this man. 


The low level depression , anxiety, frustration, outrage, fear that fills every breathing space since the Orange Turd shat in the white house could also be  a large part of the reason my dear neighbor can not face the day. She is terrified- an immigrant, worried about her family. wondering if she will ever get to go back to her motherland to see siblings and folks before they are all gone. So much can contribute to a mental breakdown, the Orange Turd has been , for many, the final straw, and camel 's back is well and truly broken. 

Monday, July 24, 2017

I had a feeling



Walking around the neighborhood, thinking about how one should always trust that gut feeling telling you to NOT do something or at least change the date of that something, hoping that the stars will aline perfectly  and that gut feeling will subside.
I went forward with the eye surgery, because, you know, it was on the calendar, a commitment -but in my center I felt unease. 



I feel a little bit tricked , like this poor kitty, humiliated- "I'll never forgive those humans- I will run away and hide until they are sorry and return my beautiful coat , I really do not care for humans at all"

Anyway- I do feel tricked , and abused- the surgery was brutal and disastrous , as it was happening I was very aware of things going wrong.


(((Age-Related Macular Degeneration

The effect of cataract surgery on the course of AMD is more controversial, and the results of the different studies are inconsistent. Multiple epidemiological studies suggest that cataract surgery accelerates the progression of AMD. Many of these population-based studies are, however, reports of prevalence, and it is hard to differentiate between association and causation. The effect of cataract surgery on AMD gets further confused when one looks at early as opposed to late disease and wet as opposed to dry AMD and considers the standards used to evaluate and grade the macular degeneration. In addition, there is inconsistency in the risk factors being controlled statistically. For instance, the Beaver Dam Eye Study reported an association between cataract surgery and early AMD; Freeman and colleagues found an association between cataract surgery and late AMD2; the Blue Mountains Eye Study did not find an association between cataract surgery and either early or late AMD; and the Rotterdam Study found an association between cataract surgery and early AMD but not wet AMD.
A recent prospective uncontrolled study of 71 patients with non-neovascular AMD found that, at 12 months after phacoemulsification cataract surgery, the rate of progression to neovascular AMD in this cohort was not higher than what would have been expected without the surgery.3
Another study looked at the 10-year incidence of AMD and its association with both cataract and cataract surgery.4 The investigators found that cataract at baseline was associated with early AMD, but not with late AMD. At 10 years after cataract surgery, there was an increased incidence of late AMD. These findings are interesting because of the temporal relationship between the events, and the long-term follow-up at 10 years. The authors conclude that cataract surgery increased the risk for late AMD.)))



I went in just fine and came out with Macular degeneration , I can not see.
fuck

BUT, here is a good thing, the lad is still here, he may fly out to the island tomorrow , first though, he will take me to another eye guy in the morning. I did drive today , to get something from the grocery . Stopped to let a person cross the road only to realize that it was a power box on a short pole.

I am probably dangerous. 



I am now beginning to feel uneasy about staying in Brixton for four and half months. Oh well, if it is too sketchy I will just eat the non refundable rent and go elsewhere, I am flexible that way...The stats are not great for Brixton, the most heavily crime ridden part of the city. Guess I will know when I get there, won't I.
So, people, this is just to remind you to trust yourself.
That's all.

Walk the dog, autumn falls

No idea what this very large bush is just down the street. Cubby, the dog, found it and pointed it out. I have Cubby while his humans...