Monday, July 24, 2017

I had a feeling



Walking around the neighborhood, thinking about how one should always trust that gut feeling telling you to NOT do something or at least change the date of that something, hoping that the stars will aline perfectly  and that gut feeling will subside.
I went forward with the eye surgery, because, you know, it was on the calendar, a commitment -but in my center I felt unease. 



I feel a little bit tricked , like this poor kitty, humiliated- "I'll never forgive those humans- I will run away and hide until they are sorry and return my beautiful coat , I really do not care for humans at all"

Anyway- I do feel tricked , and abused- the surgery was brutal and disastrous , as it was happening I was very aware of things going wrong.


(((Age-Related Macular Degeneration

The effect of cataract surgery on the course of AMD is more controversial, and the results of the different studies are inconsistent. Multiple epidemiological studies suggest that cataract surgery accelerates the progression of AMD. Many of these population-based studies are, however, reports of prevalence, and it is hard to differentiate between association and causation. The effect of cataract surgery on AMD gets further confused when one looks at early as opposed to late disease and wet as opposed to dry AMD and considers the standards used to evaluate and grade the macular degeneration. In addition, there is inconsistency in the risk factors being controlled statistically. For instance, the Beaver Dam Eye Study reported an association between cataract surgery and early AMD; Freeman and colleagues found an association between cataract surgery and late AMD2; the Blue Mountains Eye Study did not find an association between cataract surgery and either early or late AMD; and the Rotterdam Study found an association between cataract surgery and early AMD but not wet AMD.
A recent prospective uncontrolled study of 71 patients with non-neovascular AMD found that, at 12 months after phacoemulsification cataract surgery, the rate of progression to neovascular AMD in this cohort was not higher than what would have been expected without the surgery.3
Another study looked at the 10-year incidence of AMD and its association with both cataract and cataract surgery.4 The investigators found that cataract at baseline was associated with early AMD, but not with late AMD. At 10 years after cataract surgery, there was an increased incidence of late AMD. These findings are interesting because of the temporal relationship between the events, and the long-term follow-up at 10 years. The authors conclude that cataract surgery increased the risk for late AMD.)))



I went in just fine and came out with Macular degeneration , I can not see.
fuck

BUT, here is a good thing, the lad is still here, he may fly out to the island tomorrow , first though, he will take me to another eye guy in the morning. I did drive today , to get something from the grocery . Stopped to let a person cross the road only to realize that it was a power box on a short pole.

I am probably dangerous. 



I am now beginning to feel uneasy about staying in Brixton for four and half months. Oh well, if it is too sketchy I will just eat the non refundable rent and go elsewhere, I am flexible that way...The stats are not great for Brixton, the most heavily crime ridden part of the city. Guess I will know when I get there, won't I.
So, people, this is just to remind you to trust yourself.
That's all.

Saturday, July 22, 2017

rain, oh big surprise


A couple of days of rain with the usual dark grey skies, while the rest of the world seems to be on   fire , here we are , in our puddle.
The gardens perk up- bugs decorate themselves with drops of rain, and floral gowns.



The  neighbor finally got tired of her tree throwing gigantic cones all over, so she gave it a chop. The birds still like it - the most modern abode on the block. The lilies have been protected from the deer, they are tickled pink about it - they  prefer to live and blossom- Long lasting lilies, with the deer eating everything else. There were seven in the yard the other day.
Though it has been dark----


 the sun shines in my kitchen ! The lad brings it every time.
Everyone else dresses like the weather up here in the dark- Erik breaks the trend. 
He is all about color, still working as stop -mo animator, working on a children's "thing" now which he is not inspired by but , you know, a job in your field is a rare thing these days. He is lucky and loving his life right now-although, a bit nervous about how things have changed so dramatically  in Portland, not personally, just generally. The homeless problem is FULL blown, aggressive, frightening but even worse are the tRUMP's America of the Alt Right.
They have made themselves comfortable in Portland , due to history as well as Portland's progressive population of tolerance. The weather is moderate and the city is beautiful . Move in ready! and so they have. The scariest issue is that the police force is sympathetic to the  Alt Right and are 
protecting , serving, their fellows on the street. The market for MACE has been boosted, women walking on their own are in peril.
 America!

Colors in the yard today, leaves are falling already.Plums aborting, juniper popping.

Friday, July 21, 2017

Baby on the bus


I drove into town today, eyes have improved so much , I can still see the edge of the lens in my right eye, looks like a shadow being -- sneaking up behind me, My left eye - still ripply and fuzzy. getting better though, driving is a challenge , street signs are mysterious . 


I went to the book store but that was dumb...I can not see the tiles, ...too soon.



My baby boy will be coming home tonight on the 10:00pm bolt bus, Mr, man will drive, thank gawd. 
I bought some treats for our lad.



This morning, barely awake, first cup of Dead man's reach- this thought passed by me...I grabbed it-

Having been young all my life , suddenly , like overnight, senescence forces priority shift, not a bad thing really, just a different thing -adjustments ,like the chickens living under the LA freeway , that kind of adaptability - the coyote living within walking distance of the bus stop , that kind of practicality , like a particle of dust riding on a beam, without certainty, no particular direction, - biding time I reckon- money clip with neatly folded bills replaced by loose change jingling in my front pocket , like an old man.


and there it is, the thought  grabbed and trapped in alphabet characters , stuck  in an old letters jacket.
A few more years of this - missing our babies, eating too much, going blind, walking funny- and poof, it is  gone. 
a big WTF, but isn't it grand.

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

not sure what I am seeing


I probably should not be driving yet, I still can not see for beans! But I had to go to the drug store to get eye vitamins so I took the side streets.

Had to stop for this gentleman and take his photo,

- looking  toward the street , like  he wanted to cross the road.-, I stopped to let him pass.




Came home and saw these things on the table.
(?) 


And so it goes, still not seeing very well ...give it time they say. 

Monday, July 17, 2017

From ALASKA SONG and the sun


When I lived  aboard in the harbor, I met another live aboard who had a very fine vintage power boat, ours was a motor-less , steel hulled sloop built for racing in the 30's. His was way more aesthetically pleasing and comfortable. After a time, I went back ashore, my friend continued to make quite a wonderful life on the sea. He, his gourmet chef wife, and a small crew  take their yacht  up and around Alaska  with paying adventurers to experience the beauty  every summer.


The ice in the morning above, taken at Tracy Arm, just below Juneau. 
Whale breaching taken today by one of the crew.


Ice again at Tracy Arm fjord
Eagle on top.



A photo shot from the kayak  that they offer for land excursions.



Eagles as common as sea gulls.
Perched atop the mast of a neighboring sail boat, in Sitka.

I have often thought that I may go up with them, the Boat is smallish for a yacht, intimate, beautiful , the captain well healed, the chef , AMAZING! Fresh sea food every day that you have had a hand in catching...
A fabulous adventure in good hands.


But then I had another think , for the price of a two week or one week adventure up north , I could go to England three or four times, for months at a time.
Not even a toss up for me.
 I just thought I would post this just for you to have a dream about and to cool your heated leathers. 


Also a reminder for y'all to get  solar glasses. Even here in Bellingham the sun will be but a sliver, the shine around it however will be large so it may go unnoticed- do not ever ever look at the sun without these protective glasses. Saint Lucy  reminding you always that eyes are pretty important.

I was planning to go to Wyoming for this happening as the eclipse will be total and last for 2.5 minutes - was going to meet up with my friend to stay  in our old stomping area- but as soon as word was out that this was a BIG DEAL all of the hotels , camp sights and anywhere along the road, cancelled reservations made in advance and  quadrupled their prices for an over night stay. Making hay while the sun shines or does not shine, making it ridiculously unaffordable.
Mr. Man is driving down to Oregon , ten hours away , with a fellow astronomer -all of their gadgets and a pocket full of solar glasses  to pass out to the unknowing.
There are Star Parties all over, of course ,-- they are booked to the max and became so within ten minutes of opening their registrations. So, yeah, a big deal for amateur astronomers of all sorts. 

Sunday, July 16, 2017

colour shift

Hydrangea through the fence


The days all 29 of them, not a drop of significant rain...Personally I am loving it, Temperature at the hottest has been in upper 70's, mornings and evenings are jacket cool.
I have not ventured very far because I can not see well enough to drive or go around corners...the floaters in my eyes are no longer bear sized and have diminished to rodent size, but vision has not yet improved...at all!  I have experienced the Monet effect however, the morning after my right eye's surgery I peeked out from my bandage and the streets were violet, shadows were purple.


I took a selfie of my right eye with a pog that I had found in Erik's childhood drawer, placed  behind the lens of my glasses to show a friend what my eye felt like. Nothing like a visual! Though the surgery went very well for my right eye, my left is still wonky, and will forever be so, I am afraid.  
Mr. Man and I drove out to the county to buy two gallons of  pump oil. I could see the STOP sign and got a bag full of cherries! So, you see, it is not as grim as I make it out to be...I am a whine baby, plus I got to eat all of the cherries because Mr. Man's diabetes will not allow him even ONE cherry.






  

The lavender is hearty all over this area! Abundant! 
Anyone is welcomed to gather as much as they have the patience for. 
A bundle usually keeps it's fragrance through the winter.








 Still a bit of snow against the clear sky. It has been the BEST summer. Took it's time getting here so for two months we will remember why it is that we live here. 
By January pleasant memories will have drowned and frozen.


Wednesday, July 12, 2017

blind promises


 Still blind in one eye, went in for a check up and they promised that it was NO PROBLEM!!! So-still scheduled for the other eye tomorrow, and they promised, this one will go better. 
 I did not chicken out. I got a soft serve from the new burger place, It was soft, and I felt better. Junk food fix.

Jumped out of my car to take a photo of this lovely home , nearly got hit, very close, because ...vision, you understand, but the gods said "no, we do not want you."  It would have been such a good excuse to not have surgery tomorrow...oh well. 

I would be a very cranky blind person I have come to realize,  I could see "Shampoo" on the bottle in the shower this morning -so ...no seeing eye dog just yet,  no reason to whine. Knowing that hair is being shampooed rather than being gummed up by that other bottle of stuff on the bathtub ledge  , whatever it is, that I used yesterday...is a step in a positive direction.


Stella will take me to surgery again. 
She brought TOM back from Finland , Love the package, so to speak...
She had the best of all possible journeys to her homeland, her people.
She will be going back sooner than later I suspect. 


This is the only sticker I have on my car, so radical. I have not been shot  by RUMP supporters but then I do not travel out to the county very often. I would not like getting shot, that, too, would make me cranky. Might get me out of having this damned surgery however...hmmmm thinking.....well, a promise is a promise right? AND
they PROMISED, so there is that. 
After this first eye, I have "trust issues".... I still sort of believe in promises, but if they break this one tomorrow , I refuse to give them any more eyes to work on. 


I had a feeling

Walking around the neighborhood, thinking about how one should always trust that gut feeling telling you to NOT do something or at le...